Next Time I'm Just Going to the Bar

So today was supposed to be a pretty productive snow day, with some awesome - read shitty - Sci Fi peppered in for good measure. I was planning on starting off the day geeking out on Flash Gordon, mission accomplished. Then I was gonna get to work on a little reading and some other nagging projects. I thought this would be a much better way to spend the day than going to the bar like any healthy, red-blooded real American.

I got some reading done and got a bit accomplished, but then I figured out how to get my webcam to work on chatroulette.com. Chatroulette being a site that instantly matches you with strangers on web cams around the world. You know, so you can dialogue with someone on the other side of the globe about social issues and the like. I guess that was their intent. Maybe. What you mostly end up seeing is cock. Lots and lots of cock. Sweet mother of christ. Some important lessons were learned, tears were shed and I really need a hug and a shower now.

But, there was learning about the glorious tapestry of humanity to be had. Here's what I learnt:

• A head of lettuce is a perfectly acceptable masturbatory supplement.
  
• Doods love to jerk it. Love. It.
  
• Seriously. I used to think I was into the porn a bit too much, but my god I am a prude.
  
• There are some sad and very lonely men out there.
  
• Goatse. Remember goatse? Got to see that awesomeness again.
  
• Weirdos on the internet don't like me. Sad face. Oh wait this is good.
  

I will most definitely get drunk and go on chatroulette again. And god forbid I ever start dabbling in weed again, I'll be over that shit. But I'll probably avoid it for a while. I mean, it's only gonna be around for another week, max, before someone ends up killing someone on it and it gets shut down.

Fine Fine, My Internet Dating Steez

Ok, so Short and Curly called me out on some internet dating nonsense. I'll admit it, with just a tinge of shame, I too am, or was, an internet dater. Sac omitted one interesting little tidbit about her internet dating history, though. It's where we met oh so many years ago.

I'm pretty sure I never quantified my approach to internet dating the way she did because I'm not as much of an overthinker. But there are definitely some things I kept in mind whilst browsing the morass of desperation and gross casual sex that is OkC.

Pictures and Such:

Pixelated and out of focus - seriously, the number of people who can't just upload a proper sized pic to this site is astounding. But, it's a quick and easy way to eliminate retards.

Old boyfriend poorly cropped out, with a block over his face or not obscured at all - hung up. If you do go out on a date with this person you'll spend most of the night hearing stories about how awesome/awful this dood was/is.

More than one picture with more than one friend - trying too hard to overcome internet dating stigma. "Look I have real friends!!!!" It's 2010, calm down, everyone internet dates.

Face only photo, self taken, from above - I'm just gonna go ahead and guess that you and I have wildly different interpretations of the term "slender" when it comes to body type.

And now, since this blog is mostly about me making fun of myself, here are some "tweaks" I made in crafting my own profiles:

Hats - I did this without even realizing it. It's no secret that my hair has been beating a hasty retreat to my shoulders and ears for some time now. Turns out that I am subconsciously a little more insecure about this than I'd like to be, as I was wearing a hat in every picture in my most recent profile.

Career Description - I hate describing my job because it sucks, it's nothing I want to do with my life and there's no way to frame it to seem impressive. This section usually became a way to show off my biting wit and self-effacing hilarity. Usually something like: I gleam the cubicle from 9-5 blah blah blah.

Movies, Books, TV etc - I have great taste in all this shit, if I may toot my own horn a little bit. But, I've got a penchant for sloppy romcoms, shitty teen coming of age or transformation movies, the occasional musical, terrible mopey whiteboy pop and the like. Did I hone up to any of that? Hell no.

In the end, internet dating is no worse or better a place to meet people. Granted, it seems to be a bit more tolerable for guys, as girls are way less creepy than us, and if you're not a complete cretin you get to meet some awesome women and walk away with some good friends if the dating shit doesn't work out. But, I think, for me at least, I'm just gonna stick with real life for a while. Parades have been a great place as of late.